What Nobody Tells You About the “In-Between” — Navigating the Messy Middle of Transformation

When I left real estate, the first two weeks were actually… nice.

I organized my closets. Got rid of stuff we no longer needed. Cleaned out the junk drawer that had been bothering me for months. I felt productive. Felt like I was doing all the things you’re “supposed” to do when you suddenly have free time.

And then week three hit.

I got my son on the bus. Got the ex-husband out the door to work. Then I was in an empty house—this house I’d just organized top to bottom.

And I literally broke down crying.

Because suddenly, I had no idea what to do. I was standing in my kitchen with absolutely no direction, thinking:

Now what?

If you’ve ever been in that space—between who you were and who you’re becoming—you know that feeling. That terrifying, disorienting, sometimes unbearable feeling of being in-between.

Nobody warns you about this part. The messy middle. The season where you’re no longer the old version of yourself, but you haven’t quite stepped into the new one just yet either.

So let me tell you what it’s really like. 

And more importantly… 

How to get through it.

The “Before” — Why I Had to Leave

It wasn’t one big moment that made me realize I had to leave real estate.

It was more like a series of events that kept stacking up until I couldn’t ignore them anymore.

First, I was showing houses on Easter Sunday when I should have been home with my family. 

Then one day my son Jake asked me if he would be riding in the car with me or his dad, and I laughed. “What do you mean? Silly, we’re going together.”

But then it hit me like a ton of bricks: that was his life.

I showed up late. I left early. We went separately because I had showings.

That was normal for him. And it shouldn’t have been.

So, I switched real estate firms thinking it would be a good move. The commission plan looked amazing on paper—too good to be true.

Spoiler: It was.

The owner was shady, doing things under the table. And within a few months, I knew I didn’t want my name tied to that company.

That was the final straw that broke the camel’s back.

The Stories I Was Telling Myself

I think I stayed stuck for so long simply because I didn’t know what else to do.

I was so used to working for myself, creating my own schedule (or so I thought). The idea of going to work for someone made me sick to my stomach. It just didn’t feel right.

So I stayed. Not because real estate was right for me anymore. But because I didn’t know what else I could do.

The story I kept telling myself was: “This is what you do. You work for yourself. You create your own schedule.”

Even though the truth was: I wasn’t creating my own schedule. I was working on everyone else’s schedule.

The Whispers I Ignored

I constantly ignored the stress it was creating. The way it didn’t feel right anymore.

I complained about it all the time. In public, I presented well—smiled, acted like everything was fine, looked like I had it all together.

But I wasn’t in a good headspace. I wasn’t happy.

It didn’t feel right anymore. But I didn’t listen for a long time.

What I Was Most Afraid of Losing

I was also afraid of losing the community that I had loved and grown to be a part of.

All the other realtors, brokers, title company people, mortgage lenders—they’d all become friends. And I thought if I left real estate, I wouldn’t see them anymore.

And you know what? I was right about that.

Because once I was outside that world, most of them were still so busy with real estate that they didn’t have time for me. I am grateful I have stayed connected with a couple of them, and we have lunch regularly. But the rest? They fell away. 

And I realized… that’s a major part of transformation that nobody talks about. 

Sometimes when you change, the community you built doesn’t come with you.

And, that’s okay.

The Messy Middle — What the In-Between Actually Feels Like

So there I was. No longer in real estate. No idea what was next.

And I felt completely lost.

It’s unpleasant to be in the unknown.

But here’s what nobody tells you: the messy middle also makes you stronger. It helps you get to know yourself—what you like, what you don’t like, who you are when nobody’s watching, what actually brings you joy versus what you thought was supposed to bring you joy.

What Nobody Warned Me About

Nobody warns you that when you finally find that direction you’re going to go—your purpose, your passion, your calling—it’s very emotional.

It’s a leveling up. And there’s a lot of emotion attached to it because you’re coming into alignment with your life’s journey.

Because the thing is… Some people never find that. In their entire lives.

They work the nine-to-five or the factory job their whole lives and never discover what they’re meant to do. Not because they’re not capable, but because they never get the opportunity to transition, to explore, to grow.

The fortunate ones are the ones who allow themselves to go on to their next purpose, their next mission, their next calling.

That’s what transformation is. And it’s not always comfortable. But it’s always worth it! 

Did I Ever Want to Go Back to Before the Messy Middle?

No.

People ask me this sometimes. “Weren’t you tempted to just go back to real estate? At least it was familiar.”

But what kept me from going back was simple: I didn’t want to live that lifestyle anymore.

I didn’t want to miss my small child’s life. I didn’t want to show up late to things that mattered. I didn’t want to be gone all the time, tethered to my phone, always on someone else’s schedule.

I knew I had to keep going forward.

I just didn’t know what forward was. 

But, in those moments where I didn’t know, I just had to trust and keep moving forward anyways. 

How I Found My “Why” (And How You Can Too)

I had to reflect on it (a lot!) to get there. It didn’t just appear one day.

One thing that really helped me, is an exercise I often give to my coaching clients now. 

And that’s to make a list of 30 things that bring you joy.

It can be something as simple as sipping lemonade on your back patio in the summer. Watching the sun rise. The way your coffee smells in the morning. The sound of your kid laughing. Just write down 30 things.

Then, circle your top 8.

Then, narrow it down to your top 4.

Lastly, to your top 3.

Guaranteed, those top three will be very similar. And that gives you a direction to go!

When people do this exercise with me, you can tell when they hit the points that really bring them joy. They get emotional. Their whole energy shifts.

And I’m like, “There it is. You’re getting closer. Keep going!”

The Winding Path (The Way Through the Messy Middle)

Here’s what’s wild about the messy middle: You can’t see where you’re going.

You can’t connect the dots looking forward—only looking back.

When I left real estate, if you’d told me I’d own a magazine, then try wellness coaching, then start an organizing – staging business, then get my yoga certification, then become a spiritual life coach and write a book?

I would have thought you were insane.

But that’s exactly what happened.

The Magazine

Through Polka Dot Powerhouse (an international empowerment women’s group who support each other), I met a woman who was selling Queen of the Castle magazine. The now ex- husband and I bought it for me to run.

It was a beautiful magazine—full of women’s stories. Real, vulnerable, powerful stories.

I owned it for 13 months.

Wellness Coaching 

The health certification I’d gotten also gave me a wellness coaching certificate. So I thought, Okay, maybe this is it. Maybe this is what I’m supposed to do.

But I didn’t have the patience for it.

People wanted me to give them a magic pill. They didn’t want to do the work. And I realized: The wellness knowledge is for me. I enjoy it for myself. But I can’t make other people want to be healthy.

So I moved on.

The Decluttering Business (And the Woman Who Changed Everything)

I started helping people declutter. It just kind of… turned into an organizing and staging business.

I was busy. I had an assistant. But I got tired of lugging totes up and down basement stairs, and eventually sold the business to my assistant, who is still running it today. 

But during my time running this business, there was an incredible story that stuck with me…

I had helped one woman declutter from her attic to her basement. It was a six-month job. We got rid of so much stuff. She went from four closets of clothing down to one.

Then, nine months later, I ran into her at a store.

I had to do a double take.

She looked amazing.

I said, “Oh my gosh, you look incredible! What have you been doing?”

She said, “Thank you! Yeah, you came in and helped me clear my house, and all of a sudden I started eating better and exercising. I don’t even know how it happened. It just… started falling into place.”

She was so weighted down by all her stuff, she wasn’t taking care of herself.

And she honestly wasn’t even working hard at it. She said she was just doing little things—going for walks, making healthier meals, drinking more water. But everything started clicking.

That’s when I realized: Clean, organized space = clear mind = everything else in your life falls into place.

That’s when the spiritual side of me started to come out.

Yoga, Personal Development, Coaching

I got my yoga certification. Started working with a mentor on personal development. And that ultimately led to my coaching.

Everything was different. Everything was unexpected.

But it all led me exactly where I needed to be.

Where I Am Now — And the In-Between That Still Exists

Today, I am a lot more confident in the direction of my life than I was before.

I know where I’m going. Not all the details, not the exact timeline, but the essence of it.

And as far as my future version? There’s so much more to come. I just haven’t completely tapped into all of it yet.

What I do know is that I’m done hiding. 

I hid for too long. For years, I played small. I stayed in the background. I didn’t want to be “too much” or “too woo-woo” or too anything.

But now it’s time to be out in front. Get my book out there. Stop apologizing for who I am and what I know.

How I Coach Myself Through It Now vs. Before

One of my favorite sayings: “Be gentle with yourself. Life is a journey, not a destination.”

I remind myself of this daily, and give myself grace now in a way I never did before.

Because sometimes we’re so hard on ourselves. We think we have to get everything done today. And we judge ourselves for not being further along.

But you have to remind yourself: If you don’t get something done today, that’s okay. It’ll be number one on your list tomorrow.

Try not to judge yourself for not getting it all done.

Just roll your tasks over to the next day if you need to. And give yourself permission to be human.

If You’re In Your Own Messy Middle Right Now

If you’re reading this and you’re in your own in-between season—scared, uncertain, maybe even grieving who you used to be—I want you to know something:

You’re not stuck. You’re becoming a new version of YOU.

And I know it doesn’t feel that way. I know it feels like you’re just… floating. Waiting. Lost.

But here’s what I’d say to you if we were sitting across from each other right now:

All you need to do is wake up in the morning. Make your bed. Brush your teeth. Put on a smile. And take on your day.

Because you don’t know what that day is going to bring!

And that day is going to turn into another good day. And another good day.

And eventually, that in-between isn’t going to be an in-between anymore.

You’re going to be onto something new. Something you couldn’t have imagined when you were standing in your kitchen crying, asking, “Okay, now what?”

One Small, Practical Thing You Can Do Today

Look for the good in the day.

When you feel stuck, find your gratitude.

The little things you’re grateful for turn into big things in your life. You just don’t know it at the time because you’re stuck in the fog.

Here’s my example today: The sun is out today, and it’s freezing cold where I live in Wisconsin. But I am enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face today, even though it’s cold. It is an instant reminder that there’s still warmth and light even in the coldest seasons. 

The point is, find the small joys. They matter more than you think.

The Mantra That Carries Me Through Every Messy Middle

“Be gentle with yourself. Life is a journey, not a destination.”

And your higher power is going to guide you.

If you’re listening, you’ll keep moving forward.

Or you’ll just keep getting lessons until you figure out where they want you to go.

Either way, you’re not alone. And you’re not lost.

You’re exactly where you need to be!

Yes, the messy middle feels endless when you’re in it.

The days feel long. The uncertainty feels unbearable. The not-knowing feels like it’s going to swallow you whole.

But if every day you wake up and choose to keep going—even when you don’t know where you’re going—you’re moving forward.

The woman you’re becoming is already inside you. She’s just waiting for you to get quiet enough, brave enough, gentle enough with yourself to let her come through.

And she will.

Not all at once. Not on your timeline. And probably not in the way you expect.

But she will.

So if you’re in your in-between right now: Be gentle with yourself.

Make your bed. Brush your teeth. Find one thing to be grateful for.

And know that the messy middle isn’t where you get stuck.

It’s where you get stronger.

Ready to Level-Up? 

If you’re in your own in-between season right now, Whispers Within Us is filled with practices, stories, and guidance to help you navigate the messy middle with more grace, trust, and peace.

It’s for the woman who’s no longer who she was, but hasn’t quite stepped into who she’s becoming.

Remember: The Universe has a plan. You’re on the right path. All you have to do is just keep going.

Love, Light, and Gratitude 🩵
– Kathleen