The Limiting Beliefs That Are Running Your Life — And How to Change Them

When was the last time you were about to do something that mattered to you. Maybe you were getting ready to apply for something, say yes to something, or put yourself out there in some way, when something in you said: who do you think you are?

That self-doubting voice has a name. It has a history. And it is not the truth about you (even though it has probably been running like it is for a very long time).

I’ve been doing this work long enough to know that almost every woman I sit across from is carrying at least one belief about herself that she didn’t choose, doesn’t remember forming, and has never once stopped to question. It just makes decisions in the background on her behalf without her permission.

That’s what a limiting belief is. It’s not a character flaw, a personality trait, or “just the way you are”.

It’s a thought you’ve had so many times that it has become a belief. And a belief you’ve held so long it became your truth. Even when it never was.

Where Limiting Beliefs Actually Come From

Here’s the thing nobody tells you about limiting beliefs: you didn’t form them as an adult.

Almost every significant limiting belief I’ve ever uncovered — in my own life and in the women I work with — was formed in childhood or early adolescence. In a season where it served a purpose. By people who, in most cases, had no idea what they were planting.

A parent who was doing their best but said something in the wrong way or at the wrong moment. A teacher who didn’t see you the way you needed to be seen. A peer who said something careless that landed somewhere it shouldn’t have. A season of life that taught you to stay small, stay quiet, stay safe — because stepping out felt dangerous then.

I carried a number of limiting beliefs for a long time. I had limiting beliefs about money. About my self worth. About my abilities. I couldn’t always trace these beliefs to one specific moment — it was more like a slow accumulation of messages that settled into something I realized I had just accepted as fact about myself.

And I carried these unknowingly for years. Made decisions from them. Talked myself out of things because of them. Let them draw the edges of what felt possible for me.

Until I finally named the voice of these beliefs. And then I started to question it.

This reframe really helped: the belief made sense at the time. It may have kept me safe in a season that felt threatening. It may have protected me from risk when risk felt too costly. But it was never malicious. It was just trying to help. But it was never meant to follow me here. So, it’s time to let it go. 

How to Know If a Limiting Belief Is Running You

Most people don’t walk around thinking I have a limiting belief about my worthiness. They just feel stuck. Like they keep getting in their own way and don’t know how. Like there’s something they can’t quite get past no matter how hard they try.

Here are the signs I’ve seen most consistently — both in my own life and in the women I work with.

You deflect compliments. Someone says something genuinely kind about you and you immediately minimize it, redirect it, or explain it away. You can’t just receive it. Something in you doesn’t quite believe it’s true.

You self-sabotage right before something good. You get to the edge of something that matters — a new opportunity, a relationship that’s actually healthy, a goal you’ve been working toward — and something pulls you back. Every time.

Your inner critic gets loudest exactly when you’re about to do something that matters. I call mine Worble. He shows up the moment I’m about to take a step forward and whispers — who do you think you are? This isn’t for you. Etc. Worble is the voice that delivers limiting beliefs in real time.

You stay in situations that don’t serve you. Not because you don’t know better, but because somewhere underneath the knowing, you believe you don’t deserve better. Or that better isn’t really available to someone like you.

You feel it in your body before your mind has even formed the thought. This can manifest as tightening in your chest. Shrinking, or holding back. Your body knows the belief is being triggered before the brain catches up.

I had a client once who couldn’t take a compliment. Every time someone said something positive about her — her work, her character, anything — she would immediately deflect it or minimize it. Oh, it was nothing. Anyone would have done it. It wasn’t that big a deal. She did it so automatically she hadn’t even noticed the pattern until I pointed it out.

When I asked her about it, she went quiet for a moment. And then she said: I’ve been doing that my whole life.

Underneath it was a belief she had been carrying since she was a little girl — that she wasn’t worthy of being truly seen. That if she let herself be seen, something bad would happen. So she made herself smaller, quieter, less visible. And before she realized it was a limiting belief, she thought it was just humility.

But it wasn’t humility. It was a limiting belief running her life in real time. And she had no idea.

Where in your life do you keep getting in your own way? And how long has that pattern been there?

The Limiting Beliefs That Show Up Most Often

Every person’s limiting beliefs are uniquely their own and are formed by their specific history, their specific seasons, their specific wounds. But in my experience, a few themes come up again and again.

“I’m not good enough.” This is the most common one. The one that sits underneath almost everything else. It shows up in a hundred different forms — in the way you second-guess your decisions, the way you over-explain yourself, the way you work twice as hard as everyone else and still don’t feel like it’s enough.

“I don’t deserve this.” A worthiness wound that makes good things feel suspicious. Like they’ll be taken away. Like you have to earn them over and over again to keep them.

“Who am I to want more?” The belief that wanting something bigger is somehow arrogant or selfish. That other people deserve big things but you should be grateful for what you have and stop reaching.

“If I’m too successful, I’ll lose the people I love.” This one can be sneaky, and harder to catch. But I’ve seen it keep women small in ways that have nothing to do with ability and everything to do with an unconscious fear of what success might cost them.

“I’ve always been like this.” or “This is just how I am.” The fixed identity belief. The one that makes change feel not just difficult but impossible because you’ve been a certain way for so long that it feels like just who you are.

What all of these have in common is this: they were learned! Every single one. Which means they can be unlearned!

And that’s where Worble (or your version of it) comes in.

You may think it’s silly, but I gave my inner critic a name because I didn’t want it to feel heavy. Because when something has a silly, slightly ridiculous name, it loses some of its power over you. Worble can be fear. It can be self-doubt. Or it can be whatever is distracting you from what you’re trying to do. And when Worble shows up, I don’t fight him. I just say: not now Worble. I’ve got this. You can go.

Try it. Name yours something. And see what happens when you talk back to it.

Moving from Limiting Belief to Empowerment: “Why Me” to “Why Not Me”

Here’s where imposter syndrome lives — right at the intersection of a limiting belief and a new opportunity.

“Why do I think I’m good enough to do this?”

That’s the question Worble asks, in some form, almost every time you’re about to step into something that matters. And it sounds so reasonable. So appropriately humble. So responsible, even.

But I want you to try something. The next time that question shows up, flip it.

“Why not me? Why can’t I do this?”

This isn’t about inflating yourself or pretending the fear isn’t real. It’s about genuinely questioning a belief that has been running unchallenged for years. Because here’s the question I want you to actually sit with:

Has this belief ever actually been proven true? Or is it a story you inherited from a season that’s long over?

And then this one:

“What would your life look like if you simply chose not to believe this anymore?”

What if you stopped giving it the authority it’s been holding?

That question is where the shift begins.

You Can’t Think Your Way Out of Limiting Beliefs — You Have to Act Your Way Through

This is the part most people skip. And it’s the most important part.

You can do all the awareness work in the world. You can know exactly what your limiting belief is, trace it back to where it came from, understand intellectually that it isn’t true — and still not change. Because the belief doesn’t just live in your mind. It lives in your body. In your nervous system. In the patterns you’ve been repeating for so long they feel like personality.

Thinking about it isn’t enough. You have to act your way through it.

And in my experience, here’s what actually moves it:

Name it. Out loud, on paper, to someone you trust. Write it down in plain language. I believe I am not good enough. Seeing it written will surprise you, writing it down has the power to instantly make it smaller. Because it takes it out of the background and puts it somewhere you can actually look at it.

Trace it. Go back. How old were you when you first started believing this? Who or what taught it to you — directly or indirectly? Has it ever actually been proven true, or is it a story you inherited? This isn’t about blame. It’s about understanding that a belief formed by a child in a difficult season is not the same as the truth about who you are as an adult.

Challenge it with evidence. Every time you do the thing the belief says you can’t do, you create new data. The belief cannot survive repeated contradictory evidence. You don’t have to feel ready. You just have to do it once. And then again. And the belief loses a little ground each time.

Take one action. Not all of the actions. Just the next right step in the direction the belief says you shouldn’t go. Because here’s what I’ve learned: fear shrinks when you move toward it. It expands when you avoid it. One action. Today. That’s all.

My own practice is simple. When Worble shows up, I don’t argue with him. I don’t try to convince him he’s wrong. I just do one thing, anyway. One small thing that moves me in the direction I’m being called toward. And then another. And over time, Worble gets quieter. Simply because he has less evidence to work with.

The Connection from Limiting Beliefs to Your Whispers

I want to close with something I think is the most important piece of all of this — and the reason this work matters so much to me personally.

Limiting beliefs are one of the primary things that block inner guidance.

It’s not that the whispers stop coming. Your higher power doesn’t stop sending guidance just because you’ve convinced yourself you’re not worthy of it. But the limiting belief intercepts the message before it can land.

You hear the nudge, feel the knowing, and notice the sign. And then all the sudden, the limiting belief steps in and says, “That’s not for someone like you. You don’t get to follow that. Who do you think you are?”

And so you don’t follow it. And the whisper gets filed away under someday or maybe or I must have imagined it. Your life continues to operate based on the old narrative, rather than the new one attempting to emerge.

This is why releasing limiting beliefs isn’t just about feeling better. It’s about clearing the channel so the guidance that has been trying to reach you can actually get through.

When you start to unlearn the beliefs that have been running you the whispers get loud enough for you to hear. 

The One Thing to Do Today to Change Your Limiting Beliefs

Take the question I opened up with: 

“When was the last time you were about to do something that mattered and something in you quietly said — who do you think you are?”

Write down what that voice says. Specifically. In plain language. Don’t soften it or qualify it. Just let it be on the page where you can see it.

That’s the belief. That’s the thing that has been running in the background without your permission.

And now that you can see it, you can finally begin to change it.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to take one step in the direction it says you can’t go. 🦋

Ready to do this work with real support and guidance? The Inner Peace Activation program walks you through exactly this — including the full limiting beliefs release process. And if you’re just getting started, download the free Inner Peace Activation workbook at the link below. 

Learn More About the Inner Peace Activation Program

Love, Light, and Gratitude 🩵 

— Kathleen